Abraham Lincoln was a very wise man. You are probably already aware of this, be there is a lot we can learn from him.
No matter how much we might love our co-workers, there are times when they make mistakes, get on your nerves, say the wrong thing — the list goes on and on. It is during those times when we might want to run into their office and tell them exactly what they did wrong and how it made you feel. Well, this might not actually be the wise choice.
In his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie highlights a situation we can all probably learn from. During the Battle of Gettysburg General Meade was in charge of the Army of the Potomac, fighting to defeat General Lee. On the night of July 4th, Lee began to retreat south to the Potomac.
“When Lee reached the Potomac with his defeated army, he found a swollen, impassable river in front of him, and a victorious Union Army behind him. Lee was in a trap. He couldn’t escape. Lincoln saw that. Here was a golden, heaven-sent opportunity — the opportunity to capture Lee’s army and end the war immediately. So, with a surge of high hope, Lincoln ordered Meade not to call a council of war, but to attack Lee immediately.”
Lincoln sent a telegraph to Meade demanding immediate action. And what happened in this golden moment … Meade called a council of war violating Lincolns orders. “He hesitated. He procrastinated. He telegraphed all manner of excuses. He refused point-blank to attack Lee. Finally, the waters receded and Lee escaped over the Potomac with his forces.”
Talk about a disappointment. As Carnegie explains, a furious Lincoln wrote a letter to Meade expressing is severe frustration. However, after penning the letter, expressing his anger and disappointment, Lincoln never sent it. It was found among his papers after his death. “Lincoln put the letter aside, for he had learned by bitter experience that sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.”
When someone does something wrong or upsets us, it is easy to fly off the handle, blame them and get angry. But instead, maybe it is better to look inward to understand why the situation is making us so angry in the first place? Would we have made the same mistake if we had been in that situation?
“Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself. From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others — yes and a lot less dangerous. ‘Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,’ said Confucius, ‘when your own doorstep is unclean.’”
And perhaps you can take a page from Lincoln’s book. When someone and something makes you upset, instead of conveying that to them, write it in an email and then hit delete. Then approach the situation again when you are in a calm and reasonable state-of-mind.
