My last day of work in my previous position was August 2, 2021. Maybe you’re a fellow member of this record mass exodus in the U.S. economy. No doubt with nearly 4.3 million resignations in a single month, you have felt some impact of what has been termed the Great Resignation.
Below, I’ll share the most pressing reasons for leaving my campus recreation position — a job I loved — without another job secured. I am doing so for the purpose of helping create understanding of the current climate. This comes from a fellow colleague who hasn’t yet given up on the field but is not sure if or when I’ll return.
Intention
At Year Three in a position — that before me had extremely high turn-over — I vocalized I would only commit to two more years in the position as it was presently built. I learned quickly in my first three years about the multiple competing dynamics and priorities of a college campus. My department structure and my position only had resources that could take the areas I oversaw to a certain level of growth. Learning I would need to leave to advance in my skills, I became strategic in how I wanted to leave the programs in my supervision two years before submitting my resignation.
I was candid about my needs and desires for two reasons. The first was if the organization wanted my talents to stay they knew exactly what I needed. The second was if they were unable to provide me with the opportunities and growth, they knew where my efforts and time would be dedicated as I prepared the program for the next leader.
It became evident to me given my timeframe that this institution wouldn’t be able to meet my rate of growth. This was even after a generous attempt by administrators who I know as friends and mentors. And that is perfectly OK by me. When we are intentional about the experiences we want to shape our learning or growth, we have every right to go seek those experiences and should be supported in doing so.
Signs from the Universe for Resignation
As a spiritual person at my core, I have the propensity to pay attention to my environment and my emotions with healthy curiosity. As a wellness life student and teacher, I accept our emotions and reactions to circumstances can tell us more information if we’re willing to dive deeper. The most profound sign it was time to make a change was when I was unable to control powerful emotions I had not ever experienced before. Nor was I able to receive empathetic support when I disclosed I was seeking mental health support.
In the final months leading up to my resignation, I experienced panic attacks for the first time in my life. And, I would begin to cry on my drive into the office. I had some pretty difficult experiences in this office and began to work with a therapist which I disclosed to my supervisors. Through professionally guided work, my counselor helped me understand these emotions and experiences were signs from my body and my spirit that something needed to change for my own survival. Deep down I knew so too, but the love for my campus colleagues and students definitely made this decision difficult.
Process and Reflection in Resignation
This position had been my first professional role with campus recreation. I knew I needed to take time to process the last five years, both the highs and most importantly the lows. I’ve seen in my life when I or those around me do not take time to reflect on learning, the potential to inflict undue harm on those around us increases. I believe issues should not live under the rug but be brought to light no matter how messy. I wanted to take my time to shine light on, inspect with open curiosity and where appropriate, plan for future resolutions.
Also, I needed to acknowledge ways in which the leadership style of the office wasn’t aligning to include my most core values. This misalignment resulted in frustration I couldn’t fix by increasing my meditation minutes or adding an extra workout to the week. And I cannot say enough how this misalignment would most definitely not be repaired through the over simplistic recommendation of changing my attitude.
Thinking about such pain points with intentionality isn’t a joyful task and wasn’t completed within even the first few weeks or even months from resigning. Knowing myself and how I process, I knew I needed to pace myself to do much of this heavy reflective work before beginning to look at new employment opportunities. By processing and reflecting on my previous experiences, I would be able to search for new teams and opportunities that better aligned with my nonnegotiable values and do so from a more healed and level-headed perspective.
After Resignation: Time to Be
COVID-19’s impact on recreation and wellness departments meant we needed to be creative in reaching and supporting our members. As a creative problem solver, I dove head first in rethinking the program and enjoyed the task of adapting, at least initially. Within my campus I led:
- Making our group fitness class accessible online.
- Collaborating with streaming services.
- Digitizing personal training.
- Rethinking our fitness facilities equipment layout to prepare for reopening.
I also shifted all staff training to a digital model along with working on a number of diversity, equity and inclusion committees in an election year. My creative juices and personal energy were running dangerously low.
I knew I wouldn’t be happy moving from productivity for one organization to being productive for another. From a wellness lens, I knew production without rest and rejuvenation would cause more harm to my overall well-being. This would not be of service to the students I support. I saw no respite in sight in my role. However, I knew if I gave my resignation without another position already in place, I could determine the time to rest and simply be. I saw this as a radical act of well-being to gift myself with the greatest gift of all — time.
Alignment and Authenticity
A central point of my leadership philosophy as a fitness and wellness professional is to lead by example. I knew that in order to “sell” wellness to my campus, I myself needed to be well at least the majority of the time. I regularly brought wellness practices into team meetings and built a student-centered program with high transparency as a cultural norm. In the final months before deciding to call it quits, I was so unwell that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. To be the person I wanted to be, I needed to live with greater authenticity. This meant placing my personal well-being above the love for the work I was doing.
Authenticity meant speaking my truth about concerns. It was the right thing to do even after attempts to silence my voice. Living authentically meant walking away from an environment I’ve outgrown. Living authentically meant taking the risk to bet on myself, my skills and my abilities. By having the courage to align with my authentic self, I am experiencing the joy and peace I wish so desperately all people everywhere could experience.
Privilege
I was the fourth person to leave my office and the second to do so without a job secured. I have had access to education, counseling, mentors and investments that all pointed toward this potential of taking intentional time away as a reality that I could enjoy. And I understand the privilege behind being able to walk away from employment.
This acknowledgement is shaping how I give back through my work and life in the near future. In month two of unemployment, I began the work of starting a small business centered in well-being practices. I’m excited to soon share with others the gifts I’ve been given. My hope is to create a better, more inclusive world.
By Anonymous
