I am usually not one for self-help books. However, when I told my co-worker that I wanted to spend the summer working on myself she sent me, “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero.
I have never read a book so fast. I devoured it. I know it sounds corny or cliché to stay, but this book seriously changed my outlook on life. I won’t go through all the amazing lessons I learned because that would take forever and probably not have the same impact as if you just went out and bought the book (which only costs $10, so you totally should).
But one of the numerous things that really stood out to me, that might help the way you conduct yourself with your team, is how we deal with different personalities. As Sincero explained, as we get to know people, we decide whether we like them or not. And usually, the things we like or don’t like about others are reflections of ourselves.
“We’re all attracted to, as well as turned off by, various things about other people,” said Sincero. “And the things that stand out the most to us are the things that remind us the most of ourselves. This is because that other people are like mirrors for us. If somebody bugs you, you’re probably projecting onto them something that you don’t like about yourself, and if you think they’re awesome, they’re reflecting back something that you see in yourself that you like (even if it’s not developed in you yet).”
Chances are, in your office there are a myriad of personalities. Some you make like; others you may struggle to relate to. Sincero encourages us to help each other grow, figure out our issues, and seize the opportunity to learn from each other, rather than just reacting to one another. Instead of judging someone you don’t like or distancing yourself from them, maybe try identifying what bugs you about them and figure out why.
“The things that bother us about other people bother us because they remind us of something that we don’t like about ourselves. Or their behavior triggers a fear or insecurity that we have, but may not realize we have…When you find yourself dealing with someone who irritates you, rising up and confronting the situation can do a hell of a lot more than just making your life more pleasant in the long run; it can help you heal and grow and get out of victim mode. Because it forces you to deal with the gnarlier aspect of yourself, the parts that make you not so proud.”
For example, in my life when I come across people who are very insecure or self-deprecating, I have trouble opening up to them and letting them into my life. I always used to distance myself from people like that. But after thinking about what Sincero said, I realized I do this because those people trigger old traits in me that I don’t want to feel anymore. So from now on, instead of shutting those people out, I can try and empathize with them because I used to be the same way.
